It is a beautiful day here at the Jersey shore . . . the sun is shining, the lagoon is sparkling, and the air is cool and crisp.
Today would have been John’s 70th birthday . . . and a young 70 he would have been! I am thinking of all of our birthdays together . . . and birthdays were quite a celebration at the Roberts’ house! I won’t tell you about the first of his birthdays we spent together – but it was surely memorable!!!! Each subsequent birthday was a joyous occasion for us . . . his last birthday was celebrated with a small dinner party with his closest friends . . . never dreaming that it would be his last . . .
The past year has certainly been one of change, of heartache, courage, and moving on . . . I have moved to the Shore house which is still not QUITE finished – but close enough for now; Andrew is struggling to keep the Coopersburg manor house going – a big job for just one person – I spent a week up there in September and it was somehow rejuvenating for me . . . Andrew welcomed me with a big Roberts hug and gave me the master bedroom suite for that visit and any other visits – I felt quite loved; all of the kids are feeling the pain of his loss, as are his many, many friends. But, life goes on, although never quite the same. He would want us to all move on . . . to honor him by being the best we can be . . . not with regrets or tears all of the time. I know I was better for having loved him and for having been loved by him . . . and I try to always remember that.
John fought a good battle . . . I am in awe of his courage and strength right up to the end . . . he was an amazing man in everything he did . . . and the happiest person I have ever known . . . I wish we could all be remembered as having that zest for life that he possessed. He never complained or whined – of course, he had quite a temper when you lit the right fire under him . . . oh boy, do I know that!! and being married to me wasn’t always a picnic. . . but I remember the joy he brought to me and to all who knew him.
The restoration project at the Shore house has kept me busy, frustrated, in tears and in laughter . . . it will a year next week since Hurricane Sandy plowed thru here leaving a path of unbelievable destruction. The house has turned out very nicely, albeit not at all the way we would have done it were John still here . . . I have a white rug in the dining room!!! Not ever in John’s life would I have done that!!. . . for my own peace I made it a bit more feminine and to my taste. This was the house to which we were going to retire . . . it certainly isn’t the same without him . . .
I talk to John and write him e-mails, and his pictures are all over the house – I listen to his voice mails to me . . . usually complaining that I’m not answering my cell phone! . . . this from the man who seldom answered his cell phone . . . I’m sure there are those who think I might be a bit daft, but I have found that these things help me thru some of the rougher days.
As I travel this road to recovery I am reminded that many, many have traveled this road before me . . . to those of you who have suffered a loss, know that I think of you often and understand, so much better, your pain. . . I have such admiration for those who have gotten thru pain and suffering with grace, and try to always remember them, and I know some losses were some much worse than my own . . . I try always to remember the 30 wonderful (usually) years we had together and am so thankful that I had that love in my life, knowing that some never know that kind of love and joy . . . I am reminded of our good times and our bad times . . . and boy, some of those bad times were real doozies! . . . but we had the strength of our love to get us thru those tough times and that strength sent us thru to the good, very good times! We worked very hard to have a strong and loving marriage, and it paid off . . . we had a great life together and I will always miss that . . .
So, I wish you all well and hope that you will think of John today, his birthday, and maybe raise a glass in his memory – I will have some champagne in his honor, remembering our first summers together when we tried every kind of champagne he could get his hands on . . . he would arrive at the shore to see me (well, actually to go fishing . . . I just happened to be an added interest) with a case of champagne and we would spend the weekend in a happy mix of fishing, champagne, and love . . .
I will always love him and what we shared . . .
Love, laughter, tears, and happy memories . . .
Linda
MDS journey 